Menaka’s blog

Heys people,

I finally managed to open a blog at blogspots. Seems much more user-friendly. Should've heeded the sifu's advise earlier..lol.

Neway...here you go ----> www.menakadutchess.blogspot.com

Will be updating there from now on.

Sie sie!

Muaksses.. =X

Woowoo...

I've been on sick for five days now. I really really REALLY don't like being sick. More coz its weird than yucky.. I always make stupid mistake wen I'm sick..practically coz my judgements aren't so good at that point la.. I do a lot of walking right into the wall and bumping my head.. (yes..yes..I do it wen I'm sick too besides doing it wen I can't sleep..).. However, there is one classic mistake that particularly everyone does.. You know when you're feeling almost okay after having a good rest and think that you're actually fine enough to do a 100metre sprint? Then you find out that after ten steps, your legs feel all wobbly and your heads starts to get woozy? Then, duhduh...you're back in bed... =( Yeah, this never fails to happen to me at least 50 times whenever I'm sick..Then I get the long lecture from my mom bout how I should rest and recover before doing anything..and how I can't keep my hands and feet still for one second... lol... mom... (= I do love getting the attention though...mom babies me to me max wen I'm sick. Well actually, its not only me, its any one of my siblings wen we get sick..Mom goes into Head Nurse mode and pampers us to the max.. Makan pon kena suap weh!..lol.. thats why sometimes, we dowana get well soon..*wink*wink* 

That aside, now studies are still backsliding coz of my business last weekend and the fever attack.. Spice and me worked out a study plan.. just hope it'll be able to compensate for all the full-time tutorials I'm missing. Oh, on that note, as of now, I'm practically missing three of my four full-time tuts to give space for me to attend the Special Project Classes (SPS - dun ask me abt the abbreviation..I dun get it either) at night..coz I need to clock in eight hours of work every day and there's no way at all for me to fit two hours of class in the morning and another three hours at night... *sigh* people wana study, dun get to study coz haf to work... people who dowana study, got time, got money, no need to work but still dowana study..haih..dunia..dunia..

Last weekend was fun coz I managed to give Spice some "domestic help" for his Diwali open house.. met a bunch of his clicks on Saturday..since it was the first time, it kinda took some time for the ice to melt..but I guess it was very much helped with Spice's friend who had an obsession with Spice's boiled water and Spice's friend's girlfriend who went beserk with his condo and the stuffs in it. She kept on teasing Chris (the boyfriend) that he should get her one too..one condo and one of each cute little stuffs in it..much to his dismay..Lol..honestly though, she was the brightest persona in the room..kinda helped to lighten up the situation wen things got a bit awkward (maklumlah, first time meeting all of them). But, we had a fun time. She was an expert at playing the car race on X-Box as that was the only game they had at home..=P   Its all good.

We had another nice time together on Sunday with the college clicks too..Aniza, Prince SteBen, Chiew Ee, Wong and my family. As usual Aniza always a happy sight to see..her articulation of language,her wittiness and her hearty laughter is kinda warm wen you experience it. Haih, it was only the day before yesterday and I already miss her..CE and Prince SteBen we're quite fixated with the car race in X-Box..as we're me and my sister.. But I had to admit it, my sister is definitely a better player then me..*honest*.. Then we had a good session with I Am Legend. Spice's new home theatre set freaked both mom and Aniza out..which does make sense coz the speakers were placed right at next of their HEADS..Ngee...Bliss..so much so that I had the pleasure of hearing Aniza and mom squeal..lol..

We also managed to play firecrackers that night...the best of it being this mini-Tiki bomb kinda thingy that promised a loud bang. After three minutes of anticipation, it went off in a single pop.. Assuming that its a dumb piece of junk, I nonchalantly flared another one and threw it close-by..and OH MAN DID IT GO WITH BANG! Haih...tu lah, fireworks are unpredictable...unsafe...bahaya..tats y polis tangkap...to keep you safe by locking-you-up? or by saman'ing you and making you learn a lesson?....err...that doesn't sound right now, does it? Alaa...biorlah....Too sick to think...delirious dy now...

Anyway, tats pretty much it la for the weekend...feelin like extra-extra weak now... one more post later, kays?....

Ciao...muahs... 

Holler!!

Yippeaiyayayay... Aih, bloggin is hard work sumtimes. The most difficult part is the start. Just havin too many mental blocks. Once getting past that, the problem would be to stop my ramblings that pour out like an exploded dam. =D

Kay, the last time, I promised to talk abt the Charity & Charter Night.. WITH photo evidence. So here are some..

 

The performance started off with this girl. She had a really really REALLY had a high vocal pitch. I thought that she was some professional singer or something. Much to my suprise, she was just a 19 year old girl doing her A-Levels..in OUR college!

=D

Talents in some people... Wow.. The sound systems screwed it tho...Aih..

 

This is Rachel.. playing the piano. And..as what I experienced with the girl above, I was also fooled by Rachel's play thinking that it was some classical CD playing in the background.. Looks like law students are not merely judgements, reasonings, books and cases... ehem..i.e. WE'RE NOT BORING! Theeheehee...

 

 

 

 

This is me being indifferent...

Kontrol ayues..but not so the very nice... 

 

 

 

 

This two... look reli cute together... But the guy kena bashing tah berapa kali coz of his refusal to smile. Our fren kontrol macho's la tuh... Kesian Beck, senyum full-full oso macam kena minimized coz of this fella... the G Man... Giri(h)! Lol..

 

 

 This one was the best shot of my make up.

Skin looking polished much..

Nyiahahaha... =D

Giri yapped about him looking sleepy and all.

My dear... you look fine la.. Just smile a bit next time lur...  Coz I think thats the only way for us to differentiate whether you're awake or asleep.. =D

 

 

 

This is Shark Fin. Shark Fin is camera shy... Shark Fin only allowed me to snap the hair of his pic after so many attempts. Shark Fin is camera shy. This is Shark Fin...

 

The three Colgate models...  

Lol, Ms. Jia actually hyperventilated wen I referred to her friend as her "fiancee".. ngee! That was done on purpose of course... Hiak! Hiak! Hiak!

 

 

 

 

Slapping my lips wit newly bought gloss..and my mirror? the knife... =D Dun blame me la..it gave a good reflection to smack-it (my lips) without me needing to leave my seat.. Diva much...

 

 

This is the view from the other side..so you can SEE how clearly gleaming the knife is...reli makes a good mirror...;P 

 

 

 

This is the beloved Mr. D...almost snapped a candid pic of him...but he manages to flash his ever-sparkling 'Darlie-ad-worthy' smile... darn you Mr D!!! I vil get chu next time....! Lol.

 

 

My purse... pretty ain't it? =) Mom picked it for me.. threw a fit wen I first saw it coz I tot it was old-fashinoned....but later realised tat it was pretty hot... hey, vintage still rocks okeh?? with a touch of elegance sumo... =P  ...I love it la..

 

 

 

                      

Something in this guy completes me. Somehow for once, I feel like I can actually fall back on someone when everyone falls back on me. Stay. Always stay. There's never room for anything else. =)

 

    ~     *     ~     *     ~     *     ~     *     ~     *     ~     *    ~       

Anyway, this week has been an exhausting one. My internal clock has really gone haywire. I'm late everyday.. sheesh!. Reli la.. if before this I always got up late, it was still okay coz I could hear the alarm clock and being late was coz I switched it off and curled back to sleep like the lazy girl that I am. =P   But now, I can hardly hear it ringing. My mom tells me that it keeps on ringing til the the whole thing runs out.. Aih.. The only time this happens is when I'm depressed about sumthin. Am I? Reli la.. I haf no idea..

Studies in Part One is getting extremely bulky. Something I expected of course but somehow, as I had mentioned in my previous blog... I'm still having trouble coping with it. There are like seven assignments due and I haven't even started on one. Whatever I did to scrape past Intermediate, would in NO WAY work this year. Haih.. challenging. But on the other hand, I do enjoy it (lol)..  Having a good challenge like this.. comprehending and working with THIS much info in such a short SHORT period of time..would finally make use of my capabilities. At least I won't be so lazy and can get some part of my brain to start workin! (lol)

Started on a new hobby....baking/cooking.. been experimenting on some stuffs... gona try and make bread pudding tonite...lets just hope my kitchen doesn't turn black..I'll update you on the pudding on my next blog..

The PTPTN cash is finally here..although I do a couple of thousands pending to be received, I'm just happy that as of now...most of mom's credit card bills that she used to pay-up upfront has been settles.. Finally figured out how that interest thingy in the card works..Poor mom...... Interest on interest??? Jesus Christ!  No wonder people go bancrupt... Seriously, this was like a massive brain shock to me.. If I never liked the idea of credit cards earlier, I hate them even more now.. Sheesh... I guess banks always win in the end, huh? *Sigh* No wonder the people there look so goblin'ish..Brr... Thats y I left the bank..*wink*wink* =P

After festive seasons, in my case Diwali, everyone usually gains weight.. In my case, I added pounds before Diwali..lost some in that two days...and added even more after that.. Me really think aliens has invaded me body.. I can't figure it out! I can fast for a day and really lose OBVIOUS weight... sheesh..duno la.. Just think its time for me to execise coz I'm starting to have breathing problem... Don't worry, its just normal when you've actually added pounds that you SHOULDN'T'VE!!!!  (psst..! new year's resolution for next year.. lose 10 kg's!!  If I succesfully manage to do it... I'm gona binge for a whole two days...) *fingers-crossed*

Something's been buggin me for the past month.. I just realised that I rarely have time to hang-out anymore.. Working and studying in Part One... is completely different than Inter.. Although I have a wonderful job this year, my utter devotion to get those grades I want this year has completely consumed my thoughts... Leaving very little room for anything else.. Geez..  I sound like an obsessed nerd... Gota start planning out my time to loosen-up a lil' too I guess.. Friends are very essential in our lives... It enriches us.. It teaches us.. It priceless... =)

Things with him are definately getting better. Last week was a promising one and the coming week...is gona be an AWESOME one. Just can't wait for Sunday.. Grand entrance... better roll out the red carpet bebeh! =D

Bliss.

 

 

Ola!

Dah lamer tak tulis... very the rindu la...ngee!

Before I start, just wanted to say that I know the last blog was a lil' harsh...admittedly I wasn't thinking to compose one whole blog full of negative stuffs like that...but actually, it just a continuous flow of thought and emotions.. I do think expressing it is better that otherwise coz it helps me fume lesser (lol). I won't think about it anymore..less stress.... Hurm...either way, I gota reduce stuffs like in the future la....lol.... promise!*

Back to the main picture now...

Seriously la..I'm still kinda ecstatic from passing the exams...all papers..ALL papers ( =D ) Unexplainable ecstaticness..! I guess thats why til now its furiously hard for me to start re-focusing when I'm studying..."over-hepi", I'd say..=D.

These five months were just a reminder of how "eventful" my life actually is. Exclusive of the exams, a myriad of things had happened. Most of which I do not wish to mention as I had vowed to not speak of negative issues that lead nowhere... However, I'm just glad that in this extremely difficult period, I managed to keep myself sane and still am able to put my effort into making things perfect... I realised one important thing in that whole span of time.. What I thought was enough commitment to my family, was actually far from sufficient. Family being an extremely important entity..and the smaller they issues are, the more touchy it can get... small things unattended can become extremely unmanageble mega-sized dilemmas... Haih, I'm using too many innuendoes.... There is one more thing I'm grateful about... the one thing I almost missed had I not been true to myself.. the one very special thing that I wish'll be permanent...  Happy to have you... (=

I'd really love to talk about some current issue right here but honestly, I'm utterly revolted everytime I open the newspaper... I'm not big on politics... So, yeah....you get the picture...

Last week I went to the Rotaract Charity and Charter night... it was sweet la... if it weren't for the pounding in my head due to all the stuffs put in to style it, it would have been better.. Anyway, too tired now...will blog abt it later...with the photo evidence.. ;P

Neway, ciao for now...

Muahhs...

=)

This isn't mine...but its a pure insight of what I had to say...for I have been through quite a similar circumstance. Enjoy!

 

Me, Myself and Mine
Sumiko Tan
14 July 2007, The Straits Times

I lost a friend last year. No, no, he's well, as well can be. What I mean is that I lost a friendship last year.

It was sad because it was one of the longest surviving friendships I'd left.

We met when I was 19, and in over two decades, stayed in touch although we lead very different lives. His is glamorous whereas mine, well, you know what my life's like.

It wasn't a friendship in which we shared deep and dark secrets. We met infrequently and there were even periods when we didn't communicate for years.

But when we did finally get in touch, as we always seemed to do, we could pick up from where we'd left off. Maybe it was because we kept things light.

Anyway, we had a disagreement one day and it was, of all things, related to work. The matter escalated - bewilderingly - to some nasty name-calling hurled over a flurry of self-righteous SMSes on both sides.

He was angry, I was fed-up, and so that was that, the end of a 23-year friendship.

It did sadden me, and over the Christmas and New Year period when I was feeling more emotionally vulnerable than usual, I was tempted to offer the olive branch.

But I couldn't, and didn't.

I felt I didn't deserve the harsh words flung at me and didn't see why I had to make the first move.

I also realised that maybe the friendship wasn't much of one if it couldn't withstand a quarrel like that.

Most of all though, I didn't send a conciliatory SMS because what would it have achieved? What purpose would it have served?

Because the older I get, the more I've come to realise that, one, it's not worth getting upset when people disappoint you because, more often than not, they don't give a hoot that they are letting you down; and, two, it's pointless to depend on others to make you happy.

Far safer and saner for one to be self-sufficient first, and to be the source of one's own happiness.

Of course, you should show empathy and concern towards those around you, and if you can make others feel good, don't stop. Just don't expect or demand for that to be reciprocated.

Maybe I've been disappointed by too many people too often and am seeking comfort in cynicism.

Whatever the case, when I look back at my 20s and 30s, it does seem to be one endless period of seeking approval, striving to be nice and desiring to be loved and liked by the people I loved and liked.

Sometimes, the efforts were reciprocated and I'd be flying high.

But when they weren't, I'd beat myself up over it. What was it about me that they didn't like? Was I not nice or kind or understanding enough? Or was I too nice, kind and understanding, therefore suffocating them?

(I do realise, of course, that this is from my perspective; I could well be self-deluded about my positive qualities.)

For too long, my happiness and sense of worth were tied to things beyond my control - how I was regarded, whether I was being thought about, whether the phone would ring, whether I was considered worthy enough company for the weekend.

I needed approval, my expectations of others were high, but I was only setting myself up for disappointment.

Just because you want someone's life to revolve around yours doesn't necessarily mean that he wants that, too.

And even if he does, well, people are busy with their own lives, too. You can't make another person fit your specifications and your demands just so you - and only you - can be happy.

And rather than behave in this unreasonable way, isn't it smarter to be more independent? To not have to depend on others for validation?

The problem is - how does one go about making oneself happy, especially if, like me, you don't particularly like your own company that much?

Oh, there are things I've learnt to do alone. I'm fine with shopping, watching a movie and even attending a pop concert alone. But to spend a whole weekend by myself, to travel alone, to face me and my thoughts 24/7 - that's awful.

To escape such a spectre, I've been willing to contort myself to be pleasing to those whose company I hankered for. I've been willing to eat humble pie and yes, send conciliatory SMSes when I shouldn't.

It's not surprising, really, for in his latest book Social Intelligence, Daniel Goleman talks about how the human brain is "wired to connect".

Neuroscience has found that the brain is designed to be sociable. When people are together, their brains "engage in an emotional tango, a dance of feelings."

And he points out, research has found that good-quality relationships are one of the strongest sources of a person's well-being. "Resonant relationships are like emotional vitamins, sustaining us through tough times and nourishing us daily."

That's well and good, but what if you encounter more toxic relationships than positive ones?

What if, as Goleman himself describes it, your encounters with others leave you with more of an afterglower than an afterglow? How do you inoculate yourself against disappointment?

For me, the answer must be to be more self-sufficient, and the key to that, I reckon, must be to respect yourself more - to find ways to be at peace with yourself and content with what you are and have.

It is also to do with finding what I call a happy place within yourself where you can retreat to, your own safe haven, if you like.

Soon after my quarrel with my friend, I went on holiday to a spa with Hua Hin in Thailand. (With my mother; I wasn't brave enough to face a holiday with myself.)

One evening after a massage and before getting ready for dinner, I sat by the balcony and looked out at the sea. It was that dusky twilight period before night fell, a time of day I often dread.

Maybe my endorphins had been stimulated by the massage, but at that moment, I felt a sense of utter well-being, of being completely self-contained.

My mind - usually in overdrive mode wondering, predicting and hoping that I was on some loved one's thoughts - was a nice, clean blank.

I knew then that I did have the ability to be by myself and yet happy, that my own company wasn't half bad.

I had found my happy place which didn't require anybody.

It felt good.

 

Gosh,

       Sometimes..its so hard to get your thought out when your mind's in a mess and your heart's just not settled..Really wish I could blog out whatever I have in my head right now...but it won't be as blogging at three a.m. when my subconscious mind sets to work.. Haihs... why are simple things made complicated?... hmm.... awaiting 3 a.m....

Time passes by so fast. Its as if the days are leaping or something. My Criminal Law paper wasn't as disastrous as I feared. Actually it was pretty good. Gloating in that happy feeling kindda ripped three days off me. Now I gotta cramp up so much of info in so little time for my following exams. Growing up in a rushed up environment has taken toll on me. Now, I have this defense mechanism burned in to my brains that whenever there's a deadline, I would put it until the last minute. Its not that I waste time or that I'm lazy, its just that I can't seem to get to it. Even if I get started on it, my brain wouldn't want to co-operate. It isn't until the last hour that my adrenalin kicks in and all the juices in my brain starts flowing. It could be a curse...but hey, its a blessing in disguise too. Depends on how I take it. The end result always is good...plus the added bonus of being able to work under pressure when a task is handed to me at the eleventh hour.. its just the time in between which isn't too pleasing.
Anyway, good luck to all in the upcoming exam... May the force of the (Law) Lords be with you. LOL.
p/s:enough of Man-U la!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Exactly a week before the exams starts...and I'm sitting here blogging three in the morning when I should be either studying or sleeping... Honestly, this was never a position I had imagined myself in a few days before the exams. Rather, I had been picturing myself burning the midnight oil, studying through the night, collapsing on the table and having endless shots of coffee/green tea and subsequently turning myself into a sleep-deprived zombie which ironically is the perfect model of a student prior to the exams.. Looks like I'm going against the wave.. I'm semi prepared for my first paper : Criminal Law.. and barely prepared for the following three... and yet here I am nonchalantly typing away my blog. Its either that I've lost all my senses or my psychologically scheming mind is trying to keep its sanity as I have done my fair share of worrying throughout last year. Trust me, I was the worst nervous wreck you could have ever found. Which student in which corner of the world would be anxious and stressed out about an exam which is a year and a half away? Yeap...thats exactly what I did.. and I'm sure half of the lecturers in my college would be thinking I'm semi loco. Which is kinda true actually...... Lol.

One thing that I fail to understand is how things...interesting things to be exact, just keep popping-up when there's something important on the horizon for me to accomplish...like the exams right now. I honestly have no blinking idea where to start... Kay, lets start slowly and steadily...

Firstly, it was when someone misinterprets the warmness in friendship that was given. I honestly do not know why some people fail to appreciate a good-natured friendship that was given when that particular person was practically ostracised by the whole community and instead, tries to take advantage of the very person who is trying to help them. Why? I mean, wasn't there enough lessons that you received from the other individuals which should, technically speaking, to a sane person, would mean that you have an attitude problem that needs fixing? Thus, when a honest friendship is handed in order to help you to gain moral support and confidence, the last thing you would even dream of doing is turning to that person and trying to talk dirty. I mean, excuse me...but, WHAT THE HELL? People here trying to help you out and you turn around and try to talk crap? I mean, where's the sense in that? I finally concluded that there was no use of trying to help a demented tortured psychotic sick soul as such and that the warnings that were given to me, I should had given heed to. Guess I'm just a good natured soul who thinks everybody deserves a second chance... NOT THIS ONE! I stopped communicating with this individual but not without giving him a piece of my mind...which I'm sure would teach him to be respectful to ANY woman from now on. So there.

Next, why do people LIE? I honestly don't know how to put it down... Imagine, a person you've known for almost a decade, who knows like almost every single thing about you, who could tell what you feel by the way you dress... decides to blindly lie something about you to another friend.....something that totally destroys the image of all the moral, cultural and religious values you've upheld so far.... It is utterly revolting! This is a person whom you thought had a special connection with you...who seemed closer to a sibling than a friend.... Who should understand more about you than any other friend....Who knows how much you value self-respect and dignity.......Who's shoulder you thought you could cry on....and you finally find out that that person has been seeing you in a different light...More of a subject of interest than a siblingish-ly manner..... Wouldn't your skin crawl? Wouldn't you feel hurt and indignation? I could safely assume that if none of these were felt by a person, then that person isn't normal. Enough said.

 

Thirdleeee, ever wondered how the interesting stuffs always come about when your exams are really really REALLY close? LOL. So far, I have received free tickets to Sunway Lagoon and the Sepang Circuit, invitations to join in interesting trips to Pangkor, Langkawi and Sabah, endless wedding invitations to which I had been warned that if I fail to come, I am surely to be hunted down..LOL. Either way, my exam is still important so...these things have gota go....

 

Finally, a chat with old friends. Recently, I stumbled upon, or should I say, discovered by, my friends from my high school in Friendster. Six years. In this period, it is normal for our priorities, interests and plans to change. However, a chat like these once in a while helps us to refresh our ambitions and plans, or in my case....restore and reprogramme my mind of the things that lay long forgotten in the cortex of it. One of my friends who had successfully fulfilled his dream of becoming a pilot asked me of the crazy plans I had in the period before I was supposedly going to enter one of the local varsities for Law/Maths. Plans...oh, DID I have plans? Good Lord, in the supposed span of five months before the SPM result was out...I had plans to go travelling, modelling, trying out as an air hostess, taking my driving license, bungee jumping, canoeing, trying out the go-cart at the F1 circuit.....and millions more. Once I received the results for the courses that I was offerred in the local Varsity, I realised that I had barely done one single thing from the list of things planned. Above all, my plans totally changed. As the courses that were offered to me had no significance of law whatsoever, I had to reconsider everything. Six years down the road, I'm doing my Degree in Law in ATC. Something that I'm actually thankful for. Had I entered a university with the mindset that I had when I was in my Form Five, I would be devastated. I was what you call " Blur-blur sakai". I wasn't exposed to the dynamic personalities of the world and I did not handle stress and failure very well. However, at this point, I am actually quite contented with the progress of my life. Although sometimes the whole process of obtaining a degree seems like a lifetime, I know that when I receive that roll of Honours, it would be worth every nanosecond...perhaps even more. Anyway, although I never made my plans work after my high school, this time its going to be different. Every semester break is going to be a party. Lol. I'm going to live every moment of it and slowly but surely am going to make sure that every thing in my list is ticked off...unless I miss out something. Although, I'm pretty sure I do not have to worry about that as I have an angelic Personal Assistant waiting to crack my skull open even if I miss one of it. LOL.

In the one month and two weeks that I've had quit my joB in order to concentrate on my studies, so many crazy things have came about... Things like these ALWAYS happens! I was never able to understand these things... Was it me who simply start realising these things when I'm hard at concentrating on a serious issue? Or is it just my luck that these things come about at a crucial period of my life? Either way, it is exhilarating and annoying at the same time... 

Note to readers, I don't believe in luck and I don't believe in fate. To me, what makes things work is simply 50% faith and 50% effort. Its not 90% effort and 10% faith as I believe that only the same level of faith can create the same level of effort.

Anyway, no matter what, at this point, I'm just happy and contented. I have a wonderful life, I love my studies, I have a good family and I have great friends. All I need is some faith, some effort and endless passion for success in life. Then I'm complete.

Good luck! (4:45am~14 May 2008)